A TRAVELER'S COMPANIONS
I enjoy reflecting and the clarity that comes from retrospective pondering, but there's something about the holiday season that forces a heavier kind of self-reflection, as compared to the rest of the year. It feels like reflection at gunpoint.
Amidst my angst of begrudged reflecting, I realized that it's the willingness and choice to reflect which I find most enjoyable about the act itself; whereas, this involuntary year-end review seems more like a mandatory performance evaluation where bonuses are awarded to those who landed big client accounts or who helped to get the company out of the red by any means necessary.
But what of the intangible achievements and big gains that aren't immediately evident or visible?
Certainly, I could celebrate the baggage I've lost - the limiting beliefs, non-productive actions, negative thoughts and unhealthy behavioural patterns I've let go of this year even though the fruits of my labour haven't skyrocketed me to extraordinary success yet.
Although worthy of celebration, the place of "not there yet" is a hard one to honour because the work is still before you, staring you down, and promising you nothing while demanding your everything. The mantra here is "keep calm and carry on."
Carrying on ...
Where is there still resistance, what are the new blocks I've been noticing, how could I be more compassionate towards myself and others ... and why is my sense of self so threatened by these questions?? And yet, it's these very types of offensive questions and uncomfortable answers which lead one to a Self who is well and a Life that is good.
But, we'd all prefer to arrive at the ideal destination without having to endure a tough ride, right? Just idling in the driveway of point A, waiting for the arrival of point B while safe and warm inside of a vehicle as the storm carries on outdoors. We can so easily hide in the space of our departure lanes with passivity and no forward motion, but then, through habit, we inadvertently park ourselves into holding patterns of discontentment.
So, what if, instead, any dissatisfaction we became aware of upon reflection was actually the golden ticket? The fuel for progress and change instead of the emergency brake of fear on our lives?
As I look back at 2019 and this past decade, I celebrate the woman who I'm becoming and am grateful for the woman who I was. I am now a woman who is still scared of unfolding and being herself infront of others, but who has the courage and trust to try shifting out of neutral.
Yes, I see before me even more that wants to be cleared from my path, the road ahead - but the past ten years have made me ever so aware of the relationship between small, consistent effort and great reward. Alas, I cannot hit the breaks now.
And so, I carry on even though it's this truth that I didn't want to reflect upon because, honestly, the inner and outer work can be exhausting. But also because it places the responsibility of results onto me and me alone - it's frightening to acknowledge that I have the power within me to live the life of my dreams.
So does the question of how to move forward then become: how do we travel?
The answer is my biggest take-away from this year: time, warm-hearted connections with others, and safe, healthy environments with the space to just be are the travelers' noble companions. And elbow grease!! Small tasks done in a focused and specific manner :-)
This New Year, I wish everyone much love - so much love that we are all reminded of how worthy we are. Worthy of love, healing, kindness, connection, health and happiness. In 2020 and for the next decade, may we learn that which is in accordance with our higher good, and may we continue to take consistent, little steps with clear, big intentions in the direction of our dreams (celebrating the loss of any baggage, of course, along the way).